A history of smoking

Every one knows its addictive and the earlier you start the harder it is to give up. I started at age twelve and have no intention of ever giving up. I love it, the aroma, process and end result all make me happy. So I have been smoking whenever I get the chance for over 15 years now, doctors tell me it has had no adverse effects on my health and may even be beneficial due to the freshness. I do admit that I have had stages where my addiction has got out of control, smoking everything in sight, multiple times a day. Smoking feels like a Sunday thing to me, take you time prepare a beautiful cure, match flavors, share with friends. Building smoking apparatus is relatively easy and you can smoke using a wide variety of flavors and techniques. Hot smoking is the quickest and easiest and this is what I am referring to, nothing ignites my senses and stimulates my appetite like the anticipation period when the sweet salty aroma wafts through the air producing a smell that on more than one occasion has sent someone running into my gallery concerned about something burning but usually sends people into a frenzied over eating attack once served. My favorite accompaniment is white bread and butter for fresh from the smoker fish. Yes I have smoked plenty of other things but Kahwai remains my preference often becoming a target species when fishing. Chefs seem to have an obsession similar to mine but more focused on coming up with the most inventive thing to smoke, and for now the nominations are smoked coke for an ingenious bourbon and coke, smoked flour for pasta and vanilla for ice-cream. Kind of makes me feel boring with my habit, I have ventured into vegetables and meats but always end up returning to my beloved seafood.

Green tea and black rice smoked New Zealand King salmon battling yuzu polenta crusted Norwegian farmed salmon with white aspagagus, heart of palm and orange ginger jus

4 to 6

well the 4 star place actually got six. Still it is wanky and over the top, fun reading or rather criticizing the review when you know more than the reviewer.
http://www.timeout.com/newyork/articles/restaurants-bars/69236/corton
His lavender mustard foamy thing is awesome, his dishes so labour intensive it takes two chefs a day to prep one but cool if you can do it and boring if you have to do it 80 hours a week.
So here is a review, without eating at a restaurant.
Corton is trying to be a serious contender for the top fine dining restaurant in manhattan, without a chef with a comparable reputation to Thomas Keller it is going to be hard to compete with Per Se. Chef Paul Liebrandt has serious talent and potential as does the concept, in these difficult times the top end food and service is accompaned by reasonable prices. Everyone is making a fuss over the from the garden salad, just a pile of veges on a plate showing off many flavor combination and cooking techniques arranged artfully in a five stage plating process consisting of 20 or 30 seperate elements. For some it may seem over handled, others too beautiful to eat for me just over the top. The fois gras shows outstanding care and skill in its preperation and plating but the flavor falls short of the visual appeal. Scallops with their modern art look deserve gallery space and the dining room provides it, the flavors are fresh rich and clean, the tweezer skill required to arrange them is surgeon like. Green olive sponge starts you off with a delightful bite of cleverly ingenuitive microwave ability, the puffed buckwheat worked well with its oyster. As for the main show if you like the texture provided by sousvide cooking you are spoilt for choice. The finale is the star, caramel brioche with a touch of stilton and beatiful ice-cream and heaps of balancing flavors that took me to thailand without the heat.
Yeah I want to eat their but i dont think they take hodded rifraf.

Aphrodisiac recipes

So this is the latest turn in my cooking career. I am writing recipes for males that want to increase their stamina. It is looking good I might even get a recipe or two published although I am finding it hard to write crucial instructions like drink one hour before intercourse or eat until you feel horny.
Just sounds ridiculous.

Liquid nitro cooking

Well the highlight of my 4 star staging was cold cooking. The pastry chef, couldn't help but jam some air guitar every time a technique called for playing with freezing liquid. It looked super cool and produced some fun effects. Citrus can be smashed apart to individual.... um i wanna say segments but what are the segments of segments. Now that i have made complete sense and my point perfectly clear i will continue to confuse. Soak a cake in liquid, think tres leches then coat with frozen citrus segmentations for a cool look and unique textural sensation. For those of you that know of Heston his nitro stuff is pretty easy with one big but be careful, habits can cause serious damage. A spoon that has been dipped in really cold stuff should not be tasted unless your aim is to provide comic relief and dont mind not being able to taste for a week.

Stage

Working for free in a kitchen is referred to as staging (star- ge). On friday and saturday I was stage in a new restaurant corton. The highlights were liquid nitrogen, a $12,000 white truffle the biggest to come into the country in 3 years and someone smoking weed in the bathroom of a fine dining restaurant. The menu was a bit over the top (wanky) at times with high tech plating, mostly done with tweesers. The 5 stage salad had over 20 components and if the circulators for the sous-vide cooking broke, (boil in bag) the kitchen would have to be shut down.
More on monday......

Ingredient driven

I have struggled to describe my style of cooking but now I have figured out that I am ingredient driven. Just meaning I have no clue what I am doing or going to make until it appears on a plate or bowl. My little direction is governed by what's hanging around and needs using most.
Today, we had a avocado that was perfectly ripe, I visited the local wholefoods, purchased some potatoes, brussel sprouts, green onion and pork, with a few breakfast items it was amazing to escape for ten bucks. On the rainy trudge kitchen ward, the meal concept came after stopping to admire street art. So simple but cool painted shadows of a fire hydrant, my taco concept was far less brilliant. Tortillas were another thing sitting in the fridge, so my strange tacos ended up as apple chipotle miso briased pork with tri color potato brussel hash topped with avo. Kindda wierd but good and cheap.

readysteadycook

market to mini kitchen

some inspiration along the way

tasty squash and scallops

Cruising for leaves

The finale of my Manhattan season, a cruise up the Hudson til my New Yorker kitchen hand had no clue where we were. This boat was very late on its southern migration and this last trip was all about looking at leaves. My faux pas of the day was describing one dish as roast Autumn produce, oh you mean a Fall vegetable salad, yes indeed. Possibly another annoying american word to add to the list that route (R - OUT) is currently topping.
The long time discrimination suffering brussel sprout has been a hit in my last few buffets, so try the kids on this one. Quarter and blanch then saute in butter and garlic, dress with dried apricots, cranberries, roast pinenuts, grapefruit segments and juice, pomegranate and a teaspoon of sour cream. Toss together, season and serve warm oh and fryed shallots too are good.
The biggest success was teaching people that beets come in a variety of colors (I am willing to embrace some american english) and can be eaten raw. Sliced thin, you kinda need a slicer type thing, mandolin really essential bit of kitchen kit. Toss with some arugula, (don't know what language I am adopting here) feta, balsamic vinagerette.
I even discovered that looking at leaves can actually be a legitimate enjoyable passtime and that white beets are beautifully sweet but a bit too fibrous/starchy to eat raw.

Boat basin

Lobster and caviar diner for 20, total food cost $800. How?

I didn't think it could be done.

However a billionaire's financial philosophy is probably significantly different to mine (money has only one purpose – spending). When I throw a dinner party I want nice things and it cost what it costs especially when celebrating a movie launch. My estimate of 2 to 3 thousand dollars for this top end dinner was balked at and I ended up with a budget of $1000 and stated that “I will do my best, with that budget” you cheapskate.

After my last stressful experience with this man I demanded lots of help and as much time as possible. Generously I had been given over 24hours notice to plan out a menu, so when I hit the upper west side market I possessed more intent than my usual indecisive style of letting the ingredients decide.
The produce section was uncooperative and quiet, with chanterelles that looked like I do after a three day bender. Persuasive bright fall veggies helped fill a trolley.
Final trolley, the search for the right olive oil ends as finally I am swayed by the shiny gold wrapping, now where did I leave that second trolley? I thought it was right here, quickly surveying the area of possible locations I decided it had been stolen! So I dashed about thinking the culprit couldn't have gotten far or might realize they got my milk. Alas the dairy trolley thief was too crafty and the cheese man had a case of deja vu. Back on track getting some sympathy from a fellow slave to the dollar at the check out, as I started to explain what this strange scruffy guy, looking very out of place with $250 of lobster was up to rushing off because I forgot the caviar. As always when you need to be fast it is impossible, excuse me I am before you… may I try the salmon, it is wild, how much is it, ok that tells me it is wild because I have been buying one that I thought was wild but now I found out it wasn’t..... lady all I needed was a tin of caviar and I was done. Is all of this conversation necessary. Now I have been a rude to someone hopefully I won’t need to try fight a crewmember or make someone cry.
One more stop, turned into two as the New York Times was popular on this day at this part of town. It was being too easy, this time I was going to have more than twice the time and half the heads to feed. Dessert was playing on my mind as I prepped the canapés, the only dessert ingredient I got was chocolate, for truffles and the request of oat choc chip cookies (anyone know the difference between a cookie and a biscuit). I always feel the need to try and finish strongly. The Lamb had to be good this time as the man had said not to bother with the lollipop chops he had previously loved, probably because they were fairly plain last time. I planned to skewer it with rosemary but could only get this hard ass looking and sounding lamb steak, so blended kiwifruit to soften it along with lots of strong flavors; garlic, ginger, horseradish, soy, sweet chili and lime. The man himself was up now, barking un-understandable orders to everyone somewhat simultaneously, very concerned about lobster being live until the last moment and that I was getting some help to put all the shopping away. Not much point as it was all getting prepped in the near future. Tuna tartar, salmon lemongrass skewers with butter ponzu and spinach feta filo parcels, wow I doing good now for the buckwheat blini mix.
Lunch! Can you make them a really nice lunch, something like salmon? Um… No. I didn't buy them salmon for lunch, not to mention I have plenty to do. Ok then what can you make for lunch? We settled on a salad.

Now I was starting to get lost, a problem I encounter frequently because of my style. Never really knowing how many of the dishes and much of the meal is going to end up. I just keep cooking, hope for the best and see what comes together.
After a bit of confusion I demanded that the three people I had organized were all still required. No cognac, of course not…. The best liquor available for the truffles turned out to be gran marnier.

The blanched asparagus decided to hang out with some roast cherry tomatoes and sherry vinegar. The blue potatoes were anti social in their current post boiled state, maybe peeling them might help them fit in better. The brussel sprouts are getting the most alternative treatment of the evening, blanched then fried in garlic butter and mingled with dried apricots and cranberries, toasted pinenuts, grapefruit and pomegranate. Multi colored cauliflower is ready to be grilled with three cheese sauce. The beets are slow roasting, a butternut squash has been roast with some smoked paprika, I think it will turn out as a tribute to fall veggies. The spinach has been awfully quiet and all the boring bell peppers managed was roast and peel.

As my help arrives I feel great relief, I don’t need to coax much more conversation or social behavior out of the produce. The pleasure of having to find jobs for others, peel this, chop that, takes over. Canapes go out super smoothly with the usual confusion involved in explaining what everything is….

that was beef? no rosemary skewered lamb

what is a buckwheat blini? A traditional way of serving caviar

spinach feta pillow? Filo. What is filo? Type of pastry

Luckily I resisted the urge to be a stereotypical chef and the only comment was a little less crème fresh on the blinis. Huge praise from this guy. Next the lobsters time to be a pain before they succumb to the steam oven. Steak hit the grill, pans are blazing as the buffet is readied for service. Exactly now I have to kill all power so the boat can leave the dock and the boss asks if I can serve in 5. As the boat circle the statue of liberty it all goes out smoothly to an empty main salon. The struggle to keep everything hot seems a little silly as the guest arrive ten minutes later.

A glimpse of the Brooklyn Bridge and big city lights offered pleasurable moments along with pleasing the man who paid the wages and leaving feeling like and deserving to get drunk.

Becoming a chef

My ego ballooned in Spain, I wrote my first menu, cooked for a famous writer, a self proclaimed king of capitalism, even a 80's rock star. People told me about how good my food was so often that my response wanted to be simply I know.
Certain the path to improvement was through pro actively seeking criticism. I hunted out feedback to a point where people couldn't just say they liked a meal. The poor customer had to tell me something negative. Once I pressed for what I could have done to improve your dining experience, and a guy put me in my place by telling me "you could have given me a foot massage while i ate".
I deserved that but also to get drunk after a busy service, discovering I could do 20 to 30 meals in 2 to 3 hours solo was proof I was the man. I am still too proud about this and brag whenever possible. A friend of the owner put a glowing review online about the restaurant and I became the famous Kiwi chef of the Lecrin valley.
By the time I turned up in Chamonix my ex boss had told me I was too good to be a chalet cook.
Full of arrogance I was able to get away with punching my boss and continuously working hung over or drunk . My menu's were better than the standard expected in most chalets, I mastered the high altitude souffle and never served a pasta meal while blatantly ignoring my budget and using a bottle of "cooking" bourbon a week. I often reminisce on having the time of my life in Chamonix , partying every night, snowboarding everyday and working just enough to survive.
The season ended and I hitch hiked to the boats with 200 euro in my pocket and ample confidence.

Why I hate English........

......food!
Ever wondered how that food come out so fast? Making pub food in London destroyed a part of the chef that is me. All the cooking was done in a fryer, microwave or this oven like thing called a Merrychef. The technique for steamed vegetables is remove bag from freezer and microwave, to cook the few fresh veges, onions and mushrooms treat as you do the french fries.
Now you too are trained as a English pub chef.
This guy I worked with was talented with a deep fryer, he needed no basket, spider or tongs, he could grab a piece of fish straight out of the non-specific animal fat with no more reaction than a shake of the hand.
Please England stop destroying food, some guidelines
- frozen vegetables are only to be used when absolutely necessary like when are crossing the Indian ocean and you are unable to get fresh produce.
- pans are used to fry onions and mushrooms
- scampi and chips is not food
- think fresh not frozen and good not quick

Packed Cones

Thomas Keller is too talented. Each time I lift a oven hot tuile off the silica mat and wrap it around a piping bag nozzle I feel like a lab rat in a learning experiment, I don't learn and keep going back for another zap. Eventually the product, 2 dozen one bite savoury cones kind of seems worth the effort. My fingertips feel sunburnt, wonder how long before I destroy all those nerve ending and I can be a real chef.

North cove marina

5 of a crew of 9 have walked off the boat this morning. Yesterday I agreed to a dinner party for 30. Finally at 2pm I have a thousand bucks, the luxury of being driven and thehardest part of my job begins.


The eccentric investor has requested a few things but mostly the menu is left up to my discretion. I need to have appetizers ready for 8pm, serious time problems, green market in the rain no thanks. So Chelsea markets for all I can carry in one trip. In the fish store a fellow customer asks me how i am going to cook the 10 pound of striped bass I am buying and I have no idea. Umm.. dunno, simply...ur in butter... whats that called pan fried, damn i am sure chefs have a better term for that. Tuna belly for a tartar and scallops for cerviche, done fruit and veg time.
I remember my knives are in Chile and the boat only has spoons. What the hell am i going to make for dessert, gotta be quick easy, impressive and not need any equipment the galley lacks, no inspiration here and my basket are full.
In the rain on the curb of ninth ave my cellphone decides it doesn't want to make calls. Reformed smokers feel my anxiety. I have time to appreciate being an observer in the battlegrounds of the nyc cab wars.
Ok gotta start cooking, half an hour in the city's quietest whole foods and back to the boat before 430, now i receive a text requesting h&h bagels and deli sliced salmon. Sorry you have no idea do you! these rich people!!! A few curses later i have my meat and decide on the 10 egg, half kilo of butter choco cake recipe.
Stuck in traffic you can feel my distress as each precious minute of cerviche marinading time disappears. Although I need this time to try get some people to come serve the food that is going to be late and possibly my first complete disaster.
5pm on the boat with most of the essential elements to pull off a nyc dinner party. Now I am lost in a world i know, i have to cook faster than possible with no help, my method is present at times, dessert and apps first. All elements, ovens and heat sources are blazing. A sink full of dishes gets done for me, but by 730 i am on the verge of breaking. Getting servers is impossible so i have now enlisted my girlfriend to bring anyone, experience useful but just need anyone!!! The cakes are baking, the cerviche marinating and the pots of water boiling.
Company arrives just after 8, i still don't have the apps ready but having a green haired girl ready for silver service stewardessing metamorphoses my worries into some form of enjoyment. Dishes get washed, cherry tomatoes halved and i almost have a menu coming together as the first brave guests arrive. My appetizers go out, of course the ones i put the least effort into, have the least of and think are the worst are the most popular and my beautiful scallop cerviche becomes crew food.
The lollie pop lamb chop are bland, maybe because they saw a marinade for all of ten minutes but it is going. The difficult owner barks a few orders at the inexperienced servers with the biggest compliant being his drink got taken away before he finished. Note - wouldn't you have plenty of glasses when holding a dinner party? probably at least one per guest? yeah so you would think a multi million dollar boat. No not enough of anything, serving plates, cutlery, glasses sometimes even booze, nothing not enough of everything.
After main courses made their way to the buffet table, the specific dietary requirements are relayed to the kitchen. Perfect time, deep exhale "rich people". The kosher guest seem happy with the few vegan offerings available. I feel like it is time to ring, or somehow inform all my chef mates about this feat i just pulled off. We leave and drink tequila.

Super yachting

Working on super yachts, or as I refer to them absurd floating white hotels, introduced me to an interestingly strange bunch of people. After half a dozen different boat family experiences I am struggling to find and adjust to a life as more than a paid slave.
Like all jobs, boat work has its perks, good pay, no expenses and free travel.
When describing my life over the past few years it ends up sounding like the good life, reality usually differs, as an employed crew member sooner or later I end up composing disturbingly depressive talent less lyrics. The boating blues was my first album with a range of hit singles from many genres “I got those bad, bad boating shoes” and “Manic depressive boating disorder”.
Have I ever got cabin fever? Well I did go through a stage of playing pinball in my cabin (prison cell) or galley (sweatshop). You don’t need buttons or flippers or even a ball, only confined space and temporary insanity.
Misery loves company - luckily your beloved crew is always around to piss you off with stupid comments or mannerisms that would normally be totally tolerable. However someone with no personal space who has been working 16+ hour days every day for a month or more can blow up a category 4 out of nowhere.
I have worked for and with the united nations of characters, temperaments and personalities. Disciplined yoga guru captains, very German carpet tassels combing stewardesses, no flavor diet engineers, hyperactive spontaneously backing flipping mates, perverted chefs (note- anything bad that happens is always the chefs fault, no one know why it just is, like the Bermuda triangle) and even the occasional alcohol, drug and prostitute addict cabinmate. Why the hell are we all doing it? For me it is all about the highly addictive quick cash injections.
Chronic complainers are encouraged to apply and in the end everyone becomes spoilt yachties. The industry forces it upon you, everything is done for you; washing, cleaning, cooking and almost anything you could want is close at hand.
I must clarify a few job descriptions for those not in the know. Captain = driver, Mate = back up driver, Engineer = pissing everyone else off, Boson = driver of smaller boats (tenders) and cleaner of boat, Chief Stewardess = Glorified cleaner that has been doing it so long doesn’t have to clean as much any more, Chef = stupid fool that works so many hours that they should under no circumstances consider working out their hourly rate, Deckhand = boat washer/ chamois technician, Stewardess = sexually harassed picker upper after spoilt crew and guests.
Now you have the job titles translated. If anyone is looking to see the world through a porthole, be on a tighter leash than a teenage girl in a strictly religious household and earn some cash there are plenty of jobs in this exciting industry.